Stressful Emotions

Emotions of Divorce are Challenging

It’s common to feel frustration, anger, sadness, and hopelessness during separation and divorce. Sometimes your decision to end a marriage can result in positive emotions like hope, excitement or satisfaction. If it was not your decision, you might feel confusion or rage.

Dealing with Anger During Divorce:

Anger can be useful to motivate you to take the actions that are difficult for you to take. If there is nothing you can do right now, consider channeling your anger into another activity, like physical exercise, cleaning or yardwork.

Getting Through Sadness During Divorce:

If you find you sad for long periods of time, try finding things to do that will make you feel better. Some possibilities:

  • watch a comedy or comedian on Netflix/TV
  • watch funny videos or cat/dog videos on YouTube
  • volunteer somewhere or do something that helps other people
  • make a list of what you are grateful for, and the positive things in your life
  • find a way to feel hope about a positive outcome in the future
  • go for a walk in nature and notice your surroundings

Tools for Dealing with Emotional Pain:

There are many ways to get through the emotional rollercoaster of separation and divorce. Avoiding or pushing down your emotions may result in becoming bitter and angry towards your ex and possibly all women or men for the rest of your life. In the alternative, you can release your emotions when you feel them and let go of the stuck emotions you have stored in your body. Here are a few of the many tools you can consider:

  • Radical Forgiveness is a book and free worksheets that help you through a process to forgive when it is difficult to do so
  • EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) combines tapping on accupressure points while talking about your situation and then saying some positive statements
  • The Work (book and app) by Byron Katie has worksheets that allow you to reframe your painful thoughts
  • The Emotion Code (book and app) helps you to identify a stuck emotion that is ready to be released, and then release it
  • Aerobic exercise with heavier breathing than normal can also help. Consider treadmills, kickboxing (9 Round for men and women or 30 Minute Hit for women), Zumba, or any other physical activity you would enjoy.

Using Alcohol to Feel Better

A glass or two of alcohol when you are feeling stressed about your life might help you take your mind off your worries and help you to temporarily suppress your emotions, but if you start relying on that by drinking at least four days a week, you are likely to end up with the opposite effect. Your body needs B vitamins to digest alcohol, and you need extra B vitamins when you are under stress. Using alcohol as your regular stress-reliever will likely increase your feelings of depression, zap your energy, and cause you to take longer to process your emotions and get past this situation. If you are unable to cope on your own without alcohol, consider asking your doctor whether you should take anti-depressants and/or get counselling from a psychologist. If you are unable to stop drinking after one drink, consider checking out an AA meeting and/or read about functional alcoholics.