Kids During Divorce

Divorce is hard on children. Some parents wonder whether it is better to stay married “for the kids”. The challenge is that once you are at the point of considering divorce, your home might not be a comforting and loving place to live for your kids. Is there a lot of anger? Yelling? Frustration? Any dishonesty? Sadness? Depression? Addiction? Even if you don’t argue and yell in front of your kids, they will pick up on your emotions and energy because kids are very intuitive. Growing up in that environment can leave them feeling anxious. If either parent takes out their unhappiness on the kids by criticizing and judging, it can lead to low self-esteem and even suicide. 

Are you a good role models for your kids? Are you behaving the way you’d like them to behave as an adult? What would you want your daughter or son to do if they were in a situation like yours?

Try to avoid criticizing your spouse before, during or after a divorce in front of your kids. In most cases kids will be emotionally healthier and happier if they have some kind of a relationship with both parents. If they can’t see the other parent’s flaws now, that is not a bad thing unless that parent is a danger to them. As they grow older and mature, they’ll be able to see each of you from a new perspective. 

If your relationship with your kids changes significantly during this process, either because you take on more responsibility for the kids or because your spouse convinces your kids that you are a bad person and they shouldn’t like you, please get help from someone or at least read books to learn how to deal with it.

You might want to ask your kids to take on new responsibilities around your home now that there is one less adult to get things done. At some point you may need to explain that you’ll be spending less on their clothes and activities than you did before. This might be a good time to encourage a teenager to get a part-time job so that they’ll have more spending money or pay for some of the things you used to buy them as a couple.

Read about child support and what support you might have from the court system. Keep in mind the personality of your spouse and the best way to persuade them to do things that are best for the kids.

It’s common for children and teens to misbehave during this difficult time. They will have anger, confusion, and sadness. They might not have the tools to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. Give them more leeway in their behaviour for the first year after the separation.